In The Birth of the Warrior Part I, I shared an affirmation that served as the foundation for a powerful healing ritual I recently performed. In today’s post I’d like to discuss the shadow the Warrior cannot exist without, the Victim.
The Victim is that part of me that values safety above all else. It doesn’t matter what must be sacrificed to maintain this safety – fulfilling relationships, financial prosperity, personal growth, joy, health – none of these are more important than avoiding pain. He believes in status quo, in not rocking the boat, and in keeping everyone else happy – even if doing so means he’s miserable. He values everyone’s opinion except his own, believes the world is unfriendly, and is convinced daydreams are a waste of time. He believes if you cower in a corner and try not to be noticed, you’re less likely to be ridiculed.
As if the experiences at the root of these feelings weren’t unpleasant enough, we’re also conditioned to feel bad about feeling them! Society tells us the Victim is wrong. We’re told to buck up, toe the line, make no excuses, and deal with life – period. This is particularly true for men. What are sons told when they come crying to their fathers because they’ve skinned their knees? “Big boys don’t cry.” What does this really teach little boys? That it’s not okay to be weak. If you can stand to watch the evening news, look for any of the numerous examples of the damage this causes – domestic violence, chemical dependency, war – it all tracks back.
After years of trying to defeat the Victim within by making him wrong, I’ve finally realized that the only way I can leave him behind is to love him. I’ve started thanking him for keeping me safe during my childhood, and reassuring him that the people who hurt me then can’t hurt me now. I’ve started telling him, gently but firmly, that his part in my growth is done – that it’s time for him to leave so the Warrior can arrive.
With gratitude and compassion I dismiss the Victim. Let the Warrior now be born!
So now I know where I’ve been – but do I know where I’m going? In Part 3 I’ll share who the Warrior is to me.